a big dose of mom guilt...

My child is sick...ugh. Its one of the WORST things a mom hears/says. For many reasons. First and foremost, its upsetting that out sweet children get sick. We don't want them to feel awful. We don't want them to be in pain. We want them healthy and playing and learning and smiling!

 But unfortunately, sickness comes about every child. And when it is one of my beauties turn, I turn into  different mom. I wish I was the kind of mom that was able to JUST sit and snuggle my sick one. I wish we could JUST watch television all day, read our favorite books, eat a warm cup of soup and take a nap.

BUT reality is different. At least for me. When my children get sick my first goal is to get the sick one better. My second goal is to make sure it doesnt spread. This turns me into my alter ego, Super Germ Killer! Once this mama changes into this uniform its all over. These germs don't stand a chance!

Typically when I have a sick babe, I got through at least one bottle of lysol spray, a tub of lysol wipes, a few ounces of hand sanitizer and TONS of hand soap. My laundry piles gets taller and my washer is running more. I bust out my Do Terra oils like a mad scientist/hocus pocus witch concocting mystical potions that wipe out illness in a flash!

When I have a sick babe it amazes me that my daily chores and duties STILL call my name...imagine that! The dishes still need to be done, toilets still need to be scrubbed. Things still spill, on the floor needing to be cleaned and the counters still get sticky. Breakfast, lunch and dinner still needs to be planned and prepared and served...and then cleaned up. Errands still need to be run, groceries still need to be bought, phone calls STILL need to be made. On top of the already existing list of to do's, having a sick babe usually means a new list. A doctor appointment, maybe a pharmacy run, a call to excuse them from school. If its a upset tummy sickness, I usually have throw up to clean and blankets to add to that laundry pile.

Sometimes when they are sick, I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off! That and Cinderella combined! Mom I need a drink. Mommy can you get me a new blankie. Mom I feel hot. (run to get the thermometer and medicine.) Mommy can I have a snack. (Anything that isn't dairy, isn't sugar, doesnt have red 40 and too rough on their throats) A mama could go bananas!

Usually, when all the chores are squeezed into the day of sick, and all the meals are done, the other family members are taken care of and I can take  a deep breath, I can lay with the sick one and cuddle until they fall asleep in my arms. Just to do it all again the next day.

One day I might be that mom that does NOTHING but cuddles and snuggles with my sick babe. But with SO many other needs from me...and so many IMPORTANT things to run around doing FOR the sick one, I just feel lucky I can hold them AT ALL. It will always hurt my heart that I can't be the rocking chair mama...but at least my children get better fast, right? And MOST of then time, no one else in the family gets sick. Which is saying a LOT! Because a sick MAMA is NOT allowed ;)

you don't have to be a professional...

You guys. Theres have been SO many times when I think, "I'm going to get back into running!" Or maybe I'll think about yoga, or running the stadium steps. Take up a spin class at the gym! 

But something stops me. Maybe  family duties. Maybe I get lazy. Or maybe I want to spend my time visiting with a pal. Sometimes I find myself unmotivated to start because I think I'm not strong enough. I feel like if I go into spin class or the Zumba class I won't be able to keep up...and thats intimidating. It really is. 

Let me say this, I find peace and happiness in a couple things in the fitness world. Running and yoga. 

If I want to pick them back up again, I find myself doing these things ALONE. On my own. Sporadically. I have had a running buddy before. And I love my stadiums girls! And honestly, one day soon I hope to do that spin class. I know I will be that slower girl in the back. But until then, I take a bit of time for myself, by myself, doing whatever makes me feel good. Its not a workout with instructions. Its not written down. I don't have a trainer or a video or a clock. I just do my own thing. And feel good about it. I'm NO professional fitness gal. I don't lift weights. I don't know what each muscle is called. I don't know each pose in yoga...and half the time I'm pretty sure I'm not doing them right. But I get myself out and moving and stretching. I find happiness in knowing I'm not a professional...and thats okay. 

seasoning recipes...

I am a BIG healthy eating chick. yes i eat a LOT of sweet treats, too. The ingredients in the food I eat are for the MOST part researched by my incredible sister or myself. You are what you eat, right? Well, there are some things I just MISS so terribly that I want but refuse to buy. Like ranch dressing. The powder mix, mostly. And almost every other dressing flavor packets, for  that matter. They are so handy to put onto of meats and such for scrumptious dinners!  But, the amounts of MSG in those make me want to vomit, among other things. Top Ramen. Sloppy Joe mix. Mrs. Dash. These are all friends I can't invite into my house. So I have found my OWN ways of having these delicious flavors without the harmful imngredients! With help from things I have looked up online, I have mixed and mingled my scrumptious spices and seasonings to make delicious meals for my family! Creole seasoning,  mock mrs. dash, taco seasoning, and my newest italian dressing! I don't have to order online from fancy expensive places and have seasonings shipped to me...I can make them on my own :) and they are organic, too!

here are a few of my FAVORITES!

Italian Dressing

1 TBS of each 

Garlic powder, onion powder, white sugar, dried parsley, salt

1 tsp of each
black pepper, dried basil

2 TBS dried oregano
1/4 tsp dried thyme
1/4 tsp celery salt

mix in a  jar.

in a separate jar mix 1/4 cup white vinegar, 2/3 cup olive oil,
2TBS water and 2 TBS of your mix. shake it, shake shake it. shake it shake shake it. shake it shake shake it. shake it like a polaroid picture.

Taco Seasoning

1/4 tsp crushed red pepper, 1/2 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp dreid oregano, 1 1/2 tsp cumin, 1 tsp sea salt, 1/4 tsp onion powder. 1 tsp black pepper 1/4 tsp garlic powder and 1 TBS chili powder.  i use this on so many things!! mix it with some sour cream even!

Mock Mrs. Dash

3tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp pepper
1 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp rosemary
1 tsp oregano
1 1/2 tsp savory (you don't have to use this)
1 tsp marjoram
1 1/2 tsp parsley
1 1/2 tsp basil
1/2 tsp thyme

Creole Seasoning
2 1/2 TBS paprika
2 TBS salt
2 TBS garlic powder
1 TBS black pepper
1 TBS onion powder
1 TBS cayenne pepper
1 TBS dried oregano
1 TBS dried thyme

store in a n air tight jar :)

dont forget about me...

My Friday thoughts last week were pretty intense. I was sure last week was going to take me prisoner. As I drove away from a morning of complete peace and MUCH needed quiet alone time for myself by myself completely, I wrote down things thoughts and feelings. 

I have so many emotions going through my heart and my mind and my soul I figured this would be the best time to part. When I am good and vulnerable. Where you can see my emotions and feeling raw. 

My soul has been hurting. My soul has been put on a shelf. I have been thoroughly exhausted. I have been taken from.I have given and given and given. It has been a very long week full of emotion that I am ready to pit behind me.I'm grateful for the lessons learned. And I feel like it was a productive week. And necessary to go through. But now that it is finished I am so grateful. I just need some time to breathe. To relax my soul and mind. To be me. Being mom is always number one, but sometimes i forget about myself, and that just is not acceptable. Because if I forget about myself then I really am no good to anyone. 

I'm usually so excited for Fridays because its date night  with my man and we get relaxing time and outings with our children! But this Friday I'm just glad the week is DONE. I don't want to ever relive this week again. I know I had to go through it, but I'm SO glad its finished. I'm so surprised how much emotion this week brought out of me. I am so drained. I know I'm not alone in this. I see moms struggling all around me with things that I don't have to struggle with anymore. And for them I reach out my arms and help where ever I can...even if its just in the cafeteria holding a small baby for another mama. Serving others has always brought joy to my life. My mom taught us that when we are lost in the service of others our life will smooth its self out. Sand she is right. My woes are nothing when I am helping others. And somehow joy ushers itself in. 

It's been awhile, though, since I have found my inner peace. Somehow I forgot to take time for me. I'm a creature or routine. A lover or structure. I love it! I love structure and balance and love to live my life in order. (I think thats the mom in me)  But I love to live my life on a whim as well. And I haven't taken many whims for myself lately. Not for myself. 

 I need to remember that I'm important, too. I need to recognize when my should is crying out for attention like my children family and friends do. When I look at the beautiful surrounding I live in, when I look at the nature all around me I'm surprised that i haven't enjoyed it more...like I used to. On my own. I have had many outings with my husband and children that I have LOVED, but I have forgotten tohow important it is to be alone. It is so healthy. It is so healing. I'm just glad today I TOOK an hour or soft myself to let the emotions out. To let the week go. To move on and become better and to be happy again...from the very bottom of my soul.