setting goals

I finished a book the other day. A friend recommended it to me. Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I loved it. I loved it so much. While reading it I felt important. I felt motivated. I felt like I wasn't alone in the feelings and thoughts I have. And as per normal, I didn't relate to all of the topics she shared at this moment in my life, but some were spot on! Some were spot on for Teresa circa 1998. Some were Teresa circa 2007. Some of the topics are Teresa right this minute!

One of her topics about setting goals had my bestie thinking...which then got me thinking. The bestie said something to the effect of, "Dude! We are total losers! We don't have any goals!" jk. She didn't say it like that ;) But, what she did say was that we NEED goals. My rebuttal to that was, "Oh honey, we have LOTS of goals!" I started thinking of the goals and listing them. Getting children to bed on time. Getting family to church on time. Planning next activity for the youth in our ward. Washing and folding all of the laundry. Attending the temple once a week. As I listed and she listened, we realized all of our goals are mommy goals or calling goals. Some of our other pals chimed in as well and mentioned their goals. Making sure our children stayed alive each day was one of the responses...which is actually real life. Ask anyone.

As we kept thinking, we realized its so important to make goals as a mother, but we need to make goals for ourselves. This includes goals for our marriages. As a mother, we know how easy it is to be sucked into the Mommy Zone. Hey lemme just stop right there and say some of us LOOOOOVE the Mommy Zone! I can get lost in it for months, completely saturated in the work of my family  and be perfectly happy!! BUT, there will come the time when in some way or another we realize what has happened to us and we say, "Pump the brakes! I need a breather."

So, we decided to make some personal goals. Bestie said she wanted to make sure she had gum in her purse. So she did it. GOAL!  Start blogging again. GOAL! Running everyday was another goal. Not punching a wall when we get frustrated. Making dinner in the croc pot on tennis match days.  Read a book you love...the actual book, not audible, Teresa. ;) Make a certain time for just you and your spouse each day/night. These are great goals!

As I hit the ground running with these goals I feel better about myself already. I haven't made any long term goals quite yet, mine are for the next month. But, its start. And thats what I'd like to motivate you today with!

Start small.
A goal is a goal no matter the size. Tell yourself you want to accomplish SOMETHING. If you want a goal of traveling the world thats great! Write it down!  But if you haven't made and reached a goal for awhile you might want to pick something that will encourage you and not set you back. Seriously. I want so badly to travel to Jerusalem. Scotland. Iceland. Thailand. And more! But, if I get too far ahead of myself it will discourage me. Maybe you don't work that way... so have at it! London bound you are! But, I know I should start with something I KNOW I can achieve in the near future so I can feel pumped and believe in myself! Also...children. My big goals of traveling really do revolve around school schedules and budgets. Sharing my money with the minions is real life. ;)

Make a list.
Organize and prioritize your goals. See which ones you really want to get done. Ask yourself what their benefits are to your life. Which ones are attainable in the near future and which ones will take more time.

Achieve them!
Get moving! Nothing is stopping you from reaching your goals! Set your mind to it and go!! And don't forget to enjoy the ride!



xo- teresa

Hi. my name is mom...

Ooooooooh my goodness! Its been almost three years since I have blogged and I want back! I have found myself with a new motivation and a new name! I have a lot to say on a daily basis and have missed having an outlet...except my best friends ears! (poor girl) So, here I am. Ready to go at it again! Hopefully as I blog, I can share my experiences with you and you can share yours with me! If you find this blog uplifting or positive in anyway, please share!

xo-teresa

How to win an argument ...

Why doesn't my husband understand this fully yet? I mean I THINK he does but there is something really teeny tiny in that mans brain that must tell him, "This one...try to win this one!" What? Like he royally thinks he can out smart out talk or out reason with me?? Oh honey lemme tell you. This girl has a LOT of things on her side that will help her win the argument. One. A vagina. I am a WOMAN. A life giver. A life sustainer. Thats it. thats all I need. I win.

But just in case you need more reasons, here ya go. Imma talker. It's my one and only talent. This talent of mine SCREAMs I'm gunna win. My ability to out word my husband is my armor. The ability to say 72,000 word per minute that makes SENSE is my sword. I got this.

Oh and hi my name is Teresa. I'm half Latina. I know its a stereotype and some silly's might actually be offended by this but hey...its truth. The stereo type came from somewhere. So you just stand aside.Watch the show if you desire. It's probably fun :) Actually, my husband says its one of his favorite things. He says he loves to get me mad. He actually says I'm prettier when I'm mad.  (hahaha)

Now after he has worn out and exhausted all his avenues,  (and trust me...he really tries! he play a mean silent treatment) he realizes there will always be one winner...the Queen Bee. He can get as mad as he wants. He will try his hardest sometimes. I have had moments when I think he is about to win, he is about to win. I can't find one last ounce of fight left in me. And then who come out of their corner with arms a blazing...reaching for a hug?

Thats right...he loves me. So maybe sometime...just SOMETIMES, he actually LET'S me win. ;) 

love story...

We all have our very own love story...well this is mine. Well its OURS. Mine and my husbands. Its goes a little something like this.

 I was married for two years. It was just enough time to conceive two children. After 2 years, for reasons I won't post on the world wide web today, I left. I was out. I was now a single mother of two. 

I was living the dream, raising two babes on my own, dating some dude that didn't want to marry me and working my tail off everyday trying to make money and NOT put my babies in day care. 

Yeah thats not living the dream, guys. One day, while...living the dream, I was headed to my grandmas house. About a block away from my home my car broke down. I pulled over and popped my hood. I didn't know what was wrong but my dad taught me a few things...so I was doing my best to figure it out at that moment. Thats when a wonderful couple pulled over and helped me. Thankfully, the man knew what he was talking about. He quickly fixed me up and I was on my way!

 I spent the day with my grandma, headed home, picked up my laundry and was off to my moms. After a few hours I was back on the road, again, to go home. Same street, opposite side of the road, I broke down again. MAN ALIVE! What was I going to do? I was just around the corner from my home...why here? Why right now? I thought, at least I was close enough to walk home with my babes. 

I was about to get out when the SAME car drove by, this time with a cute guy in the back seat. His head was hanging out the window as they starred at me. They turned around. My heart began to race! I had candy wrappers on the front seat!! Hurry! Clean that up! I looked at my babies to make sure they were okay and BAM! In my face! The same man and this cute boy were there to help. The man had me pop the hood. He and the boy looked around and started talking to each other. The boy said it was my fuel injection. I laughed so hard in my mind!! Listen to this little guy talk like he knows what he's talking about!! hahahahahah!! Then he gave me a look like, "Hey baby. How you dong?" I about died...of laughter! Who was this kid?! Ew. 

They fixed me up again, and then followed me to my house so I was safe. The ONLY reason I let them follow me home is because they were in my ward (religious  group of people that meet at church at the same time in the same geographical boundary). They waved goodbye and I said thanks!

Oh heavens. This boy was sweet to my eyes but he sure thought he was all that! Funny thing, that boy waited for me week after week to arrive at church so he could talk to me. I was always LATE so he never got the chance. :) 

Finally, one sunday, the boy found me in the hallway at church. He could barely get the words out. He said he had been trying to talk to me for weeks. He tried to ask me put but only half of the words came out...poor kid. ;) So mid stutter I said, "you wanna take me out?" He said yes. I said pick up at this time, we'll go here. 

After a couple months of dating,  this boy...

his name is Andy, had become such a happy positive energy and influence in my life. He was so happy to see me. Made me his priority. he was so full of life.  And that was it. I was his. And he was mine. He became my best friend and my biggest fan. 

He had a gorgeous ring made for me, planned a trip to California, and purposed late one night on the beach, with our favorite song playing. He made a rose petal pathway that turned into a circle, lit with candles. We danced. I was panicking. I knew what was going to happen. He got down on his knees, said some mushy sweet words, and asked if I would be his forever. I said of course! And that was that! 

Its so funny, you hear people say I love you more today than I didn't so many years ago...it's 100% true. I knew I really liked Andy...loved him even. But its almost comical to think back then that I said I loved him more than anything...because TODAY my love for him is more than I have ever loved anything. Love is SO much more than attraction and fun and excitement. Its defiantly the start of it...but the years and experiences and trials and hard times and commitment shown at the very worst times ...THATS love. 

I will always be grateful and love that 21 year old boy that pulled over and fixed my car. The boy that brought happiness and life back into my days. The boy that didn't take no for an answer, because so many days I tried to tell him he deserved more than a single mother. He was so young, yet so amazing, to see ME and love ME and not see just my situation. And dang it all he loved my babies. He played with them, let them put barrettes and bows in his hair, he watched movies with them and would even rock my babies to sleep for me. I will never forget the night I walked out of one babies room from putting her to sleep, only to find my sweetheart rocking my tiny baby with her bottle in my rocking chair. He was so calm and sweet and loving. I knew he was the one.

 There would be NO ONE better.  

And when my dad was late to our wedding, he sat next to me calmly assuring me he would make it. And when the power went out in the entire city on our wedding day, and we had an ice cream wedding cake, he didn't sweat it. We just cut the cake earlier than expected. And when on that same wedding day, my two year old daughter fell in the pool because she was trying to get a floating flower, he jumped in, tuxedo, shoes and all, to save my precious baby, the one he fell in love with first. 

  

Thats when I knew... I was right. 

There is NO ONE better for me. 

date night ideas...

Boy have date nights changed over the years. Once it was romantic, well thought out plans of adventures and teenage love. Then seldom outings as a couple because of the many little babies and low funds for a baby sitter. They became movies at home while the little ones slept. Which meant it was LATE at night and most of those times we would fall asleep on the couch. Sometimes we were smart an got them to bed early, bought out fave treats and popped popcorn to enjoy! We cuddled up with a blanket and enjoyed every moment! sometimes grocery shopping was what we called a date. Some nights we pulled out the playing cards and realized after 10 hands we can't STAND playing games with each other (one of us is FAR too competitive for the other.) Some nights I would read next to him while he drew up plans for his next job. Yes. That was considered a date. It was time spent together. And we were grateful for anything!

As our girls got older we found a new and HUGE sense of freedom! Like a 16 year old that just got their license! We could hop in the car and leave with a moments notice!! Oh my gosh WE ARRIVED!! We had waited so many years for this point in our lives!! We have two daughters that are old enough to tend to our children while we pretend we are teenagers again!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!

Some of our favorite dates are:

-A drive to 7-11 for a slurpee and our fave songs on the radio.

-Our favorite fancy restaurant makes us feel like grown ups. 

-We also have a fun little pub like restaurant that plays live music some nights...LOVE that.

-A pizza and a picnic blanket in the back of my mans truck. 

-We still consider grocery shopping a date sometimes...but we start that date off with dinner :)

-Lazer tag is a FAVORITE!

-Golfing...and by golfing I mean I watch him play, I hit a few balls here and there but mostly I just want to go for the ride and the view...of my mans cute tush! ;)

-A few times my love has taken me for an ice cream and parked above the city. We got out and danced once to our fave songs, and another time we had a really good fight over something lame...like major girl fit thrown by your truly...and then we worked it out before the night was over. Reality folks. 

I'm sure there will come a day, sooner than we hope, when all our children are grown and every night is a date night. As we get older I see how different parenting and spouse life are. I just know it is so important to make time for each other. As much as we LOVE and adore our daughters, one day it will just be the two of us. Our girls will have their lives, loves and families. I don't want to watch our youngest leaving the nest and look over at my love and think...umm, who are you? 

dear future husband...

When I was a teenager I had a list.

It was a list of all the things I hoped for in a husband/father for my children.

Nice.  Motivated.

Worthy priesthood holder. 

Thoughtful.  Responsible.

Fun. Funny.

Loyal. Trust worthy.

Happy. Good teeth.

Nice to his mom.  Clean.

BABE.  Nice to MY mom. 

Nice to animals.  Respectful.

Smart. Obedient. 

You know. The basics. 

The funny thing is now I'm asking my daughters to start making THIER lists. 

It's pretty fun actually. 

It's fun to see what they put on their list.

And I love to suggest few, too. ;)

We all have that wish list to some degree, right?

We try to be around people that fit our list to some extent, right? We have goals. And standards. 

As long as most of those list requirements are met...and if there is LOVE, then go for it, yes? 

Well, I also started talking to my girls about being the kind of girl that THAT kind of boy wants. NOT that I'm telling them to be what someone wants regardless of who you really are, but be true to yourself AND live a life that will get you the man you want. If you want a trust worthy spouse you should probably BE trust worthy yourself. If you want someone nice...then you probably shouldn't kick that cat that drives you nuts. When you are out looking for the kind of spouse you want, the kind of parent you want for your children...remember you are being watched, too. You can't just expect to have and get whatever you want in this world, but that you have to earn it. And that includes a spouse. You can't just say oh hey hi you look great and seem nice. I want you. Wait what about what THEY want. Its kind of the "do unto others" bit...if you want something good, be something good.

I'm sure there are plenty of people screaming with words like,"someone should like you just the way you are!!" "Be who you are and someone will accept you just that way!" "you should form yourself to someones ELSES ideas!"
Yeah. I get it folks. TRUST me. I was in a marriage where I was expected to be someone I wasn't.
And it frustrated the daylights out of the spouse because I didn't understand why I couldn't just be me!
Thats not what I'm saying.
I'm teaching my daughters to hold them selves to a certain standard...especially if they are holding their future spouse to a certain standard. 

In our marriages its the same way. We have to give and give and give. We have to be something great for the other person. We have to make our love our number one. We want to be loved and taken care of...well so does our spouse. It will never be JUST about what you want. It will NEVER be just about you and your lists. If you think it is... yeah no. It's not like that. And if you think but mine IS, I promise it won't be for long.

So now, my daughters have two lists...well my two oldest do (so far). 

A list of all the great things they think a wonderful husband will and should be for them. 

And a list of things they will be/do for someone else.
going into a relationship with strictly demands and expectations for the other isn't reality.
They need to know things are expected of them, too.
I want my children to hold themselves accountable for their choices and actions. 

And hopefully that
will be a guide to the kind of life they will have in the future.

And don't think for a second I don't have a list for my husband and I.

Because I do. 

:)

we're stayin together...

this is me. 

and my love.

he can't stand PDA.

i love it.

(i literally had to BEG him to take a photo kissing me with everyone around us)

i'm a social butterfly.

he's quite content as a hermit.

i want to go out of the house and play. 

he wants to sink into the couch.

i have a lot of energy and spunk.

he is calm cool and collected.

we are different.

in SO many ways we complete opposite. 

we argue. we fight. we yell. we roll our eyes at each other.

i am usually right. 

and he is smart to know that. ;)

we also smooch like crazy. 

call each other first if an emergency.

share our most exciting happiest moments with each other.

and can't wait to see each other after a long day.

we have been married for over 10 years now. 10 years that we are 

both D word proud of. 

they were rough.

 filled with tears and frustration. true sadness

and anger. honestly there were SO many times i really 

didn't know HOW we could "make it."

the first 2 years were just about as close to a nightmare in real life as it gets. 

i mean, don't get me wrong we LOVED each other.

 we started out this relationship as BEST friends. 

i had two small small little girls and he LOVED them with all his heart and supported me and helped me take care of them. i remember watching him rock my baby girl

 (who at the time was just 16 months old)

with bottle in hand, to get her to sleep.

this is every single mamas DREAM man. 

and i had him. 

he got down on his knee in the white sand beach in monterey 

and asked ME to be his forever. 

geeeeeez. he was THE ONE. 

the one for me. 

the one for my girls. 

the one to build a life and family with. 

and THAT is what carried us through the first 2 years. 

and then the next 5. 

because it was just as rough. 

getting on the same page and staying there was rough. 

settings goals together and keeping them was rough

we would have a few good weeks and then 

a few awful months. 

some days we REALLY just would make it through a day at a time.

but you guys...we made it. we made it to year 8. 

we turned a major page. 

together. 

we hit a point when we said this is NOT working. 

we love each other. and our four daughters. 

but it wasn't working. 

i know exactly what happened/what we did 

to make our page turn together, i won't share it here, now.

but truly, we had a problem and it HAD to get fixed.

year 8 and 9 were amazing years.

10 is doing pretty great, too ;) 

we aren't blind to the fact that relationships and people grow and change.

we know things will come about through time 

with each other that will push us and shove us.

for reals, everyday its something new we have to figure out...two different minds that think differently and feel their way is the right way. 

but we have created a foundation for our marriage and our family. 

we have again vowed to stick together.

we are NOT perfect. we are REAL. 

we make mistakes. and we also make up for those mistakes. and you know what? 

sometimes we DONT make up for those mistakes. 

sometimes we just have to get through them. 

sometimes we have to let it roll off our backs. 

sometimes we have to suck it up and say sorry even when we don't want to. 

one of my VERY favorite lines from a song that 

has stuck with me year after year

is from the SheDaisy song 

'i'm taking the wheel' 

we bend but we don't break.

we bend. but my andy and i don't break. 

we went through some really hard times. made difficult decisions. 

heard some REALLY bad news. 

paid high prices and learned big lessons. 

we didn't break.