Oh man. Have you ever thought about this? I mean, maybe looking at parenting in a different way than we usually do? Like what if we were graded? What if we had an instructor or teacher grading us on they way we are parenting. What would be our report card? What would our marks say about us? Don't we truly ALL feel like we are messing up in SOME way or another? And just when we think we are about to Ace a test we bomb it? Even after we have studied and worked hard and paid attention to the important things?
Well, through the years I have received some report cards and progress reports of my own. A screaming child in line at the grocery store. A daughter running to the kitchen with a hand print on her back from another daughter hitting her. A messy house. My own messy hair..because we all now a messy hair day must mean we don't have all our ducks in a row right? ;) (hahaha) What about a daughter who has comforted a hurt friend, or a daughter who shared her snacks or a daughter who told the truth. Sometimes I receive a child with a Honor roll certificate or a great piano recital or a child with a trophy from her dance completion! Those are the GOOD report cards!
Thankfully, when I get the not so great progress reports I have been taught to LOOK at my mistakes and keep trying for that A at the end of the term. Sometimes I DO get that A. Sometimes I work SO hard and my marks are less than I expect. Sometimes I mess up royally and have to re take the entire course. Like today, when I got upset at one daughter for spilling her cereal bowl in the car today. Yeah. I'll re read that chapter. I have passed that test before!! I really have! But, this morning was different. Different emotions and thoughts in my mind and different needs for the day resulted in a different reaction than when I took the test last week :/
And I think thats what makes us feel like we've failed. Because we KNOW what we are capable of. We know we have done better. We know the kind of parent we want to be and the kind of parent we ARE. So when we don't do things just the way we hope we always do, we feel like we are a wreck. We feel like our kids won't ever forgive us. We feel like we have taken 8 steps back. Thats exactly how I felt today. Like I had been such an amazing mama and then boom. Over spilled cereal.
I have to talk myself down to earth. I have to tell myself and my kids that I AM a great mom. I have to tell them hey listen! I make mistakes, too! Sometimes I need to be I sorry for my actions and I have to try harder. We all do. And I guess that in its self should make me feel like I didn't fail. Because now I get to teach them to forgive others and ALSO forgive themselves, right? UUUUUUGH. Being a parent is ROUGH! Best job ever and would never trade it, but when you really care you notice how tough it really is.
I know I am trying my hardest everyday to take care of my children and help them learn and grow. I know I am doing my best to keep them happy. But I also know that a happy well taught and well rounded child doesn't mean the child is always smiling and laughing and running around with balloons in their hands. Sometimes a child will be let down or grounded or disciplined for their behavior. But in the long run that child is the happiest...right?
So, this morning I might have failed. But maybe I can retake the test. Maybe when they come home and I teach them to clean the car seats properly after a mess, and teach them to forgive when I apologize and then show them we can move on...maybe they will learn a great lesson. And then maybe I'll get that A. Or a B. I'm okay with B today, too ;)
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