long hair don't care...

Wait. Yes we do.

Listen, long hair is a big deal in my family. Long hair means beauty. It just does. I think other girls are GORGEOUS with shirt hair and sometimes I want my hair that way...but I know what I will think of ME if I do that...and it always comes back to what I was raised with.

I once ONCE cut my hair short...that cute A line cut. Yeah, I saw the disapproving look in my dads face the SECOND he saw me. Let me just say I even called him ahead of time and said I needed him to pretend like he loved it...because it was such a huge thing for me to do. Thankfully he didn't sell me to the circus, and thankfully it grew out.

Well, my daughters all have long hair, as well. Some is longer than others, and some so thicker than others. But it is ALL long.

As much as we LOOOOVE this, there are a few things that come with long hair that we would LOVE to never experience. The first is the after shower brushing. Guys, I could be a millionaire if I got paid for every time i brushed a head of hair. The tangles are enough to make my second daughter want to shave her head every other week. THEY ARE AWEFUL.
Product. We go through enormous amounts of conditioner, shampoo, hairspray, heat protectant etc etc. Time. The amount of time we spend...okay mostly time I spend, braiding curling pinning wrapping (upside down and backward) twisting straightening and smoothing is outrageous. And TOTALLY needed. Because hair that pretty isn't allowed to just BE. It must BE DONE.

But THIS is the very worst part. The clean up. So we shed a certain amount of hairs per day, right? Yes. These hairs usually end up on the back of a shirt that we tenderly pull off or in our car  but mostly on our carpet. And what do we do when our carpets are messy? WE vacuum them. All the dirt and dust and crumbs and hairs get slurped up. And a few weeks will go by and I notice this...

This is our vacuum that has been over taken by the amount of hair in our house! Hair is wrapped around the spinner so much that the brush bristles are barley showing! So, a handy pair of scissors and my daughter who was pretending to be a puppy at that time helped me cut that junk off! I have synths before but THIS time was the most ever. 

Do you think Locks of Love would take this donation ;)

serious amounts of  hair. I won't ruin your day by showing you the mess we pulled from our then clogging shower drains. (ew)

We have taught the girls that when shampooing their hair they came kinda pull the hairs gently out. They WANT to come out and probably already have, they just are waiting to drop. So when we rinse our hair we can grab them, and place them on the side of the shower until we get out and throw them in the garbage. Sometimes it happens. Mostly it doesn't. And the daddy (poor daddy) unclogs the drains for us. 

So um, yeah. We LOVE long hair...but it DEFIANTLY comes with a downside. ;)

dont forget about me...

My Friday thoughts last week were pretty intense. I was sure last week was going to take me prisoner. As I drove away from a morning of complete peace and MUCH needed quiet alone time for myself by myself completely, I wrote down things thoughts and feelings. 

I have so many emotions going through my heart and my mind and my soul I figured this would be the best time to part. When I am good and vulnerable. Where you can see my emotions and feeling raw. 

My soul has been hurting. My soul has been put on a shelf. I have been thoroughly exhausted. I have been taken from.I have given and given and given. It has been a very long week full of emotion that I am ready to pit behind me.I'm grateful for the lessons learned. And I feel like it was a productive week. And necessary to go through. But now that it is finished I am so grateful. I just need some time to breathe. To relax my soul and mind. To be me. Being mom is always number one, but sometimes i forget about myself, and that just is not acceptable. Because if I forget about myself then I really am no good to anyone. 

I'm usually so excited for Fridays because its date night  with my man and we get relaxing time and outings with our children! But this Friday I'm just glad the week is DONE. I don't want to ever relive this week again. I know I had to go through it, but I'm SO glad its finished. I'm so surprised how much emotion this week brought out of me. I am so drained. I know I'm not alone in this. I see moms struggling all around me with things that I don't have to struggle with anymore. And for them I reach out my arms and help where ever I can...even if its just in the cafeteria holding a small baby for another mama. Serving others has always brought joy to my life. My mom taught us that when we are lost in the service of others our life will smooth its self out. Sand she is right. My woes are nothing when I am helping others. And somehow joy ushers itself in. 

It's been awhile, though, since I have found my inner peace. Somehow I forgot to take time for me. I'm a creature or routine. A lover or structure. I love it! I love structure and balance and love to live my life in order. (I think thats the mom in me)  But I love to live my life on a whim as well. And I haven't taken many whims for myself lately. Not for myself. 

 I need to remember that I'm important, too. I need to recognize when my should is crying out for attention like my children family and friends do. When I look at the beautiful surrounding I live in, when I look at the nature all around me I'm surprised that i haven't enjoyed it more...like I used to. On my own. I have had many outings with my husband and children that I have LOVED, but I have forgotten tohow important it is to be alone. It is so healthy. It is so healing. I'm just glad today I TOOK an hour or soft myself to let the emotions out. To let the week go. To move on and become better and to be happy again...from the very bottom of my soul. 

kindness begins with me...

There is this little song I grew up singing in my church primary class. It goes like this, 

I want to be kind to everyone, for that is right you see.

So I think to myself remember this, kindness begins with me. 

Simple. Two lines. 24 words. Huge message. 

This is one  life motor I have tried to teach my children all their lives. Kindness begins with me. She they are being fussy or rude to each other, I yell down the hall, "kindness begins with?" And immediately I hear up to 4 little voices yelling back, "ME!" 

 I have this amazing daughter, {D}. Well, they are all amazing, but today I want to post about kindness, and this girl has such a genuine kind heart that I would LOVE to let shine here.

{D} is tender and genuine and thinks hard about the kind of person and friends she wants to be. She doesn't understand why children she meets/knows can be rude or mean. She is thoughtful and giving and kind. Let me tell you a little story about our special girl. 

A few years ago, maybe four years, my sweet little {D} was in here primary class at church when a sweet new little boy was brought in. He was DARLING! A face that makes you wanna just smooch it! And gorgeous blonde thick long it hair that was shiny and smooth. THAST is what my girl noticed first. This sweet boy was headed to her class' row to sit. His mom was helping him in. She pulled over a special seat they designed for him to help him sit straight and safe. He has Cerebral Palsy so he needed assistance sitting. As soon as his mother headed {D's} way, she quickly went to him. Making sure he was welcomed and had a place to sit and that he wouldn't be lonely. I was at the time the music leader so I watched the entire thing unfold. My heart was so full. I wasn't surprised for one second, but to watch a small child do such a sweet thing melted me. 

Each Sunday following, my girl would do the same thing, make sure he knew where he belonged...right next to her. It was maybe the second Sunday that my girl starting to play with this sweet boys hair. It was her FAVORITE thing to do. And he let her. I think he really liked it actually. ;) They became INSTANT friends. He trusted her. And she adored him. 

It wasn't long after they first met that we noticed something really special about these two. It wasn't JUST about kindness. It was about something more. And both sets of parents saw it quickly. These sweet children had a special friendship. One that I could only imagine started long before they came to Earth. Because being LDS, I believe in a life before this one. I believe in a heavenly life where we knew each other and were a family. I believe we came to Earth to be tested and learn and grow, And I believe one day we will move on form this Earthly life and return home to Heaven and to our family that we left behind. Those who have gone on before us and those who are waiting their turn. With this belief, I believe we have special friends on Earth that we knew then and we are so lucky to be with here as well. I have met in particular friend about 10 years ago that I truly can only chalk our relationship up as Heavenly. We are kindred spirits if you will :) THAT is what I believe is the relationship that {D} has with this sweet boy. Because if you see the two of them together, you would ONLY think that same things as well. 

The boy and his family didn't stay long in our ward. maybe after a year or so,  they moved to another part of our town, about 15 mins away. They went to different schools so they didn't see much of each other.  Then his family moved 4 hours away. They returned to our town a year or so later. ALL these moves couldn't keep their friendship from growing. These two LOVE each other. They have made sure ( with the help of their mama's ) to have movie trips and swim days and invited to each others birthday party. 

This sweet little boy couldn't say too many words when they first met, but he has an awesome computer that he can use to speak. His parents have created special buttons for common words and phrases he uses. It wasn't long after they met that there was a button with {D's} name on it :) 

There have been many times when I drive away from the movie theature, after dropping my sweet girl off with her friend and his mother, when I watch her push his stroller into the theatre. With each play time, his mother tells me what fun things they did and my heart swells for the way this sweet boy loves and trusts my daughter. And how she loves him and tends to him. I remember at  her birthday party my eyes were caught on her as she swam away from her other friends to make sure her sweet boy is happy and fine and included. And how sweet is it that he makes sure he takes her for a special treat on her birthday? 

Last week we got to attend his first baseball game. {D} stood so proudly watching her friend as he walked with his dad to the plate. His dad held him tight, helping him grip the bat, swinging with him to hit the ball straight in the air. She was so proud of him. When he didn't make it to first base she was so worried for him, so we ran to him by the dug out. She helped clean the dirt off of him, handing his mama a wipe for his face, giving him water to drink. And then stepping back to give him some space to recuperate and take a deep breath. 

These children are amazing. The are such great examples to us all.

These two have made plans for their future :) They have talked about it over and over. These small sweet innocent perfect children have a friendship of pure trust and kindness. This girl of mine is pure beauty. Her heart is the most beautiful kind. Her genuine desire to be kind radiates. I am so happy I get to be her mom. This tiny girl was maybe 5 years old when she befriended a sweet boy who couldn't even speak to her, and maybe couldn't understand her. But because of kindness, he knew what she was saying and she knew exactly what he was saying. 

check check ...is this thing on...

Really quick. A note for the weekend. After posting about some of the effects on blood sugars, I wanted to make a quick post about the signs/symptoms of diabetes.IF you feel you or anyone you know has shown signs of these things, ask a doctor or persona that has a blood glucose meter to check that person. It is a CHEAP check if it saves a life. 

Diabtetes is tricky. Not all signs and symptoms [ertain to everyone. If you have one or if you have seven of these symptoms, check yourself. IT NEVER HURTS TO CHECK. well okay maybe it hurts a TINY bit for the poke, ;) but it promise its worth it :)

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS TO LOOK FOR 

Sever thirst. (like a LOT of drinking.)                

Constant urination.

Sever and rapid weight loss. 

Tired.

Angry. 

Fruity scented breath.

Nausea or vomiting. 

 Always look for the signs. You should never feel bad/weird/awkward to ask for a quick blood check. Better safe than sorry.  Have a great weekend!

emotional wreck...

Diabetes has been a part of our family's lives for over 6 years. It has been tricky. Frustrating. Scary. Overwhelming. These girls of mine have been poked and prodded more than any children should be. They have been tested and quizzed. They have been taught and they have learned. They have shared their story and have educated others. They have been such amazing examples to EVERYONE they come in contact with about this nasty thing we call Diabetes. 

Like I have said before, we have from day one, taken this trial as it is. There is NOTHING we can do about it except take care of it. In return, their body will thank them by functioning properly. 

We have been so blessed to live in a time where it has been studied and explored. My children are 100% better off than the children with diabetes in the 70' and 80's. We will always be grateful for that.

 But like any disease, there are obstacles. We can't sugar coat it (no pun intended ;)  an pretend that because we are aware and on top of this disease, that we don't have mishaps. As good as we are about their numbers, the numbers can play games with us. 

Some of the things that effect blood sugar levels

Emotions. 

This is a HUGE one for my daughters. One in particular. 

She is my responsible, reliable, on time girl. She has most of her life in order.

She likes things a certain way. She has a tough time adjusting.

So when something isn't going as planned, she has a come apart. 

Sometimes it takes awhile for her to adjust. And talking to her about it, trying to help
her see and accept the 

adjustment doesnt always help. Sometimes it makes it worse. This is when 

our sweet girl drops. Her numbers plummet.

She goes from a perfect 124, to 58 FAST. 

And from there it all spirals. 

She then is low. Feeling shaky. Emotional. Frustrated and even confused. 

She won't speak rationally. 

I will tell her to check herself and she will refuse. 

( this doesnt happen overtime. only once in awhile. I'm only sharing these things with you for learning purposes...not to make her feel ashamed. Like I said before, same is AMAZINGLY responsible and ;likes to take care of things. This is just a situation that happens.)

Her number will go lower. Thats when I speak clearly to her, looking hr in the eyes. I tell her she can choose not to check, not to drink juice, but that she is also choosing to spend a night at the hospital. And if she chooses that, then she needs to go pack a bag. 

Thats when she gives me a look only she can give and she takes care of herself.

This emotional thing also happens when they are sad.

 If something has happened that makes them sad, they will drop. Their tears and emotions drain them of their sugars. They knows this and when they starts to cry they will tell me they feel low and we take care of it immediately. 

When the girls are angry.

Oh when they get mad their numbers drop as well. 

We are blessed that these girls have trusted their mama from the get-go and have always known the importance of their numbers. So when they are angry, they can feel a change and we can see it. The get slow, dizzy, even more frustrated and then they head to the kitchen for sugar or will ask for it. Sometimes we will offer it if they haven't asked sooner. 

Hormones.

When one of our daughters was around 11 she was CRAZY town angry! This is SO out of character for her! We had NO clue why she was so upset all the time. And why everything made her sad or angry. This went on for a couple years. It was a NIGHTMARE! Her number were out of control, too.

She had always had decent numbers...but keeping her number under 250 was near impossible. We were SO concerned. She went from a 1:15 ratio to a 1:12 then to a 1:10 and then to a 1:9...we flipped!! and her lentos went from 15 to 24 in a week! She got to 26 and thats when things started to slowly calm down. She is back down to a 22 now, and has been there for awhile. 

As their bodies grow up they will need more insulin but that much that fast freaked us out.

It has since stopped/changed and she has things under

control now. The same is happening with our other daughter. 

Her hormones are now out of control. Her attitude switches SO fast! And if her hormones and emotions are on a rise, this one has shown the opposite of her sister...her numbers drop. 

We have seen SO many lows because of this. 

(these are the times when the parents take what our amazing doctors have to say BUT also learn and discover what works for THEIR individual child. Children are not all the same...they are NOT text book. Somethings are, but each human is wired differently, and we have learned this VERY well.)

So this daughter needs direct sugar immediately. 

Her ratios haven't changed, yet. We expect they will. For now we take one day 

and one check at a time.

Exercise.

My oldest runs. She also has PE/Body Toning every day.

She gets a lot of exercise each day. She loves it!

But she has noticed, after a run especially, that her numbers go bananas.

She will go high. She will have to give herself extra insulin for that. 

You would think excercising would TAKE the energy/sugar from you. And there are times it DOES. 

We always have extra sugar when we swim or hike etc etc.

But as this daughter has gotten older and works out regularly, her number sodding always drop...but rather the opposite.

TRICKY!

This diabetes bit is tricky!!

Stress. 

This is the number one cause of one of my girls drop in numbers. 

She will stress and her number will drop. Then she will stress more about her number dropping and her sugar WONT stick. So she drops more. We have had some pretty scary times when we pump 75 grams of sugar in her in an hours time and she STILL wont rise in numbers. She cries. I get worried. FINALLY it kicks in and she can rest. 

These are the LEAST favorite moments.

Sickness.

We had our first moment with diabetes and sickness the first year they were diagnosed. It was 5 months after diagnoses when their pediatricians said children with autoimmune illnesses NEED the flu shot. We hadn't ever given them the flu shot before and never had problems. But because we were advizedto, we did. Within a couple few days our girls were up all night puking. One girl threw up 9 times that night. ANY sugar I was able to get in them came back up within a few minutes. IT was terrifying. I went to a neighbor/friends house that also had diabetes. I got a bit of advice from them and some sprite. Up until their diagnoses, my girls NEVER drank juice and NEVER had soda. So to think the only way to help my puking children was to put this carbonated sugar disgust in their clean bodies made my skin crawl. We did it. They kept a bit down. Then bit more. THAT wasn't fun. 

We have taught these girls to listen to their body. To feel what it is telling them. And to use their instinct and education to help them decided what to do. Diabetes is not something to take lightly BUT we can be happy knowing we have GREAT doctors and resources and knowledge. If we stay responsible with it, everyone can have a long happy full life. 

We have so many examples around us that have proven that.

i want to be invisible...

"I want to be invisible"...my daughter said tonight. Twice. Where on earth did she get that from?! My heart broke. I cuddled her in arms and told her why she is so important to our family. After a little while, she believed me and was good as new.

 "Uuuuugh! I just can't do it! I'm going to freak out!"  another daughter said. I asked why...she said she is almost out of tooth paste and is so frustrated!  I reminded her that her amazing mom has extra tooth paste in our storage and she can get some.

"Please mommy please! I really just can't go to school tomorrow! I can't do it anymore!" I am so proud of you for going to school, baby.  If you don't go you won't learn.  Maybe I'll come help in your class tomorrow.


"Mom...I've got it bad. I really really really like him." I giggle. "Its not funny! Okay well it kinda is."


"Mom, can you teach me about evolution?" Yes, lets chat about it for 36 minutes right as it is bed time and your other sisters are going bananas. Yes, I gave a full lesson on the theory of evolution to my 12 year old.


"MOM! listen! I finally got my fingers right! I can play the song!" Show me baby! Good job! I'm so proud of you! Okay tomorrow we can work on the next one.


"Mom, can you do my homework for me...I"m just so tired from today?" Come on, I'll help you. You are SO smart...we can get this done fast. Here are a few candy corn to get you motivated. ;) ;) ( love those little buggers.)


"Hi sister _. We are just calling to confirm that you will have dinner for the missionaries tonight." Yep! I'm on it. Wait! Something pops up ( imagine that) I can't deliver the meal. I call a pal and ask if she can deliver it for me. Lovely girl says she can, my kitchen just became CUT THROAT kitchen with 30 mins to prepare meal. I got this.

"We love this yard! And the kitchen is great!!" "Well, I have to tell you, there have been two other offers already made. You would be the third."  Poop.


"Her eye is really red." "its really itchy." "lemme look at it," i said hmm whats that...  "its a growth."  "No, sweetie thats just part of her eye." "Wait , I wanna see it!" No, its just part of your eye.  "Wait I have a GROWTH!"  NO! its not a growth. Good night.


Hey, babe. Whatever it is you need to do to get ready for me...please do it. Because we are "hanging out" tonight.  (insert shoulders falling here.)


I am exhausted. By the end of most nights I am in cruise control, scooping every last bit of patience and energy I have to make sure each day with these girls is great. But, this is a typical day. Everyone seems to need a piece of mama, am I right? This is actually a tiny fraction of the conversations I have with my babes. I know I'm not alone in this. The amount of energy and emotions that have been shown around my house lately has me running to sees candy much too often.
And the most strange weird crazy lunatic  thing about it all...I wouldn't want it to change. If it changes then they might not EVER talk to me. I know I am the most important most trusted most relied upon person to these four girls...and that big man of mine. Why on earth wouldn't I want that? That has been my goal from day one...I just didnt know it would be so exhausting.  ;)

oxox

my daughters and the P word...

P is for penis. Thats what a boys private parts are called. But let me tell you...having only daughters, it really wasn't something I ever had to talk about. Until they asked.

I grew up with three brothers. Two which I helped changed diapers for. I'm sure at a young age I learned that boys are different from girls because boys are born with a pee pee and girls are born with a vagina. 

But when I had my OWN children, I only had to teach to wipe their bummy. ( I know I know...we need to teach them the PROPER name for their privates. Blah. I know that...but those names are nasty. So while we know the technical term, we still call them bum, for butt, and bummy for vagina. get over it.) So when my third daughter was at a friends house that JUST had a baby, she asked what his thingie was.  I wasn't there so my pal told her. No biggie. Thats when I realized that we had an issues here! My daughters hadn't been taught about boys parts because they never HAD to be taught! What ever will they do when they have to baby sit a little boy?? What about their husband?? Or their OWN children?? How will they ever survive?!!! 

haha. 

After NOT having to wipe a boy body for many years, I was given my brand new uncircumcised nephew to watch over night. Oh Hannah... I had to change him. What the heck did they expect me to do?? I couldnt TOUCH that thing! Maybe if I put three wipes together I wouldn't have to really touch it?? Or maybe I could just grab the top of it with a wipe in one hand and quickly wipe around it with a wipy in the other hand?? Maybe he will actually be just fine if he sat in the diaper over night...its not a big deal, baby. And plus, you even got yourself into this mess.

Yeah that didn't work. I HAD to change this baby. I loved him so much. I didn't want him to hurt. So I put on my big girl pants...and changed that thing.

 I wanted to die. 

Anything would be better than what I was doing right then. 

I went as fast as I could...putting on a brave and serious and  calm  face my kids. So that they knew it wasn't weird...HA! It was SO weird. 

Okay so after that, I knew I could NEVER get pregnant again. Because then I have chance of having to do that all the time. And that just wasn't acceptable. 

After I put my weirdness on the shelf, I talked to my girls about it. Like I said, I didn't make a big deal about it front of them ( even though inside I was DYING). I just changed him and we were done. Yes. I let my daughters look while I was changing a diaper. No I did NOT make them feel bad about it. How else will they ever learn to help a baby? 

Over the years we have had a few talks about the differences between boy and girl. Not just that we have different body parts, but that we tinkle differently, too. We had this talk MOSTLY because when one of my daughters walked in on my husband STANDING  UP to pee, my little ones mind was BLOWN! How in the WORLD does he get his pee in the toilet standing up!?? Can I try that, too? This little one even said, "Mommy!! Why does daddys private look like Horton hears a who??"  (tears of laughter inserted here). I about lost it when she said that!! MY poor husband, He deals with SO many things being the only male in our home. 

Life with all girls has proven itself to be a lot of things. Tricky. Eventful. Emotional. Stressful and loud. Oh has it been loud. But we wouldn't trade it for anything.