My Friday thoughts last week were pretty intense. I was sure last week was going to take me prisoner. As I drove away from a morning of complete peace and MUCH needed quiet alone time for myself by myself completely, I wrote down things thoughts and feelings.
I have so many emotions going through my heart and my mind and my soul I figured this would be the best time to part. When I am good and vulnerable. Where you can see my emotions and feeling raw.
My soul has been hurting. My soul has been put on a shelf. I have been thoroughly exhausted. I have been taken from.I have given and given and given. It has been a very long week full of emotion that I am ready to pit behind me.I'm grateful for the lessons learned. And I feel like it was a productive week. And necessary to go through. But now that it is finished I am so grateful. I just need some time to breathe. To relax my soul and mind. To be me. Being mom is always number one, but sometimes i forget about myself, and that just is not acceptable. Because if I forget about myself then I really am no good to anyone.
I'm usually so excited for Fridays because its date night with my man and we get relaxing time and outings with our children! But this Friday I'm just glad the week is DONE. I don't want to ever relive this week again. I know I had to go through it, but I'm SO glad its finished. I'm so surprised how much emotion this week brought out of me. I am so drained. I know I'm not alone in this. I see moms struggling all around me with things that I don't have to struggle with anymore. And for them I reach out my arms and help where ever I can...even if its just in the cafeteria holding a small baby for another mama. Serving others has always brought joy to my life. My mom taught us that when we are lost in the service of others our life will smooth its self out. Sand she is right. My woes are nothing when I am helping others. And somehow joy ushers itself in.
It's been awhile, though, since I have found my inner peace. Somehow I forgot to take time for me. I'm a creature or routine. A lover or structure. I love it! I love structure and balance and love to live my life in order. (I think thats the mom in me) But I love to live my life on a whim as well. And I haven't taken many whims for myself lately. Not for myself.
I need to remember that I'm important, too. I need to recognize when my should is crying out for attention like my children family and friends do. When I look at the beautiful surrounding I live in, when I look at the nature all around me I'm surprised that i haven't enjoyed it more...like I used to. On my own. I have had many outings with my husband and children that I have LOVED, but I have forgotten tohow important it is to be alone. It is so healthy. It is so healing. I'm just glad today I TOOK an hour or soft myself to let the emotions out. To let the week go. To move on and become better and to be happy again...from the very bottom of my soul.
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