By my third baby things were changing. Hair was still perfect (pah-lease). Clothes were still tidy. Shoes, homework, breakfast. But I was struggling. I wanted to do all the things I thought were the best, but sometimes I just COULDN'T do it all. I had to learn time management again. I had to prioritize. So sometimes breakfast was cereal (heaven forbid).
When I heard my best friend talk about what her children were "packing in their lunches" my heart sank. WHAT?! "But you are the best mom I know," I thought. "You don't pack your kids lunches?? You let THEM pack their OWN lunch box??" My world was rocked. ;) I watched as these little children got dressed and packed their lunches and hopped on their bikes to...get this...ride their bikes to school...themselves!!! (gasp) I mean the block and a half distance was SURE to ruin them!
I'm NOT kidding. I didn't make a scene as I watched this, I didn't even say anything. And most times that cute mama would walk with them to school with a stroller full of baby. THAT I loved! I thought that was precious! But watching this mom, who might I add was MUCH more experienced than I was (she has 9 years of parenting on me) taught me a LOT. She taught me more than I might have ever expressed to her. She was the big sister I never had. Watching her I could hear my moms words in my head, "I am raising capable adults." My mom said these words ALL the time when I was growing up. When she pulled me put of bed (literally) around midnight to sweep the floor "the right way" or when she made me clean my entire room alone and my sister didn't have to do a bit or when she wouldn't tell me the answer to the questions I had (in which I heard "go look it up"....a LOT in my life) my mom was raising me to be a capable adult.
I never talked back growing up. But if I ever gave a look or body language that asked why on earth she was doing this to me, she would say, "I am raising capable adults." Oooooh I grew to LOATHE when she said that. Because come on! She was exactly right but come on!! I just wanted to stay in bed!! Couldn't you just let me do it in the morning?? Nope. Because guess how many times my mom pulled me out of bed? Once. I never wanted that again....so I swept the floor right. Or maybe she just found another way to punish me...IDK. ;)But really. She made the point. It stuck. And THAT is what we as parents are here to do.
Over the past years my daughters have grown. My job as a mom has become so much more than just a cuddle and a smile and food on the table. I have been TEACHING these humans how to LIVE. How to do the things we need to do one day on our own. So, they all know how to make a lunch for themselves. Sometimes they prefer it. Honestly there have been days when I feel like I have failed them because I didn't make their lunch. Other days I'm just so grateful they CAN. Although I still have two younger children, my parenting methods have changed to adapt to my older daughters chapters. They want to grow. They want to learn. And they NEED to!
So, while learning to adjust to my children growing up, I thought okay. I can let my kids make their own lunches. I will set the standard of what goes into the lunch and they can choose what they want. As long as they each put a FRUIT, some NUTS, CHEESE, a SANDWICH and a SNACK I would learn to let go a little. Fruit can be vegetable...dried, fresh or canned. Cheese can be string cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt/gogurt, laughing cow cheese, even a few slices of their fave sandwich cheese is fine. A sandwich can be anything from an actual sandwich or last nights left overs. This has been the saving grace for YEARS. They know what goes in to a lunch and they do it! They love it! And when they take care of each others lunches...my heart melts. Watching my oldest pack EVERY lunch last night for her and her sisters was a HUGE payday. Going the extra mile was something I learned as a girl scout and I have taught my girls. Sometimes they do it. Sometimes they don't. Last night, she did.
And tonight, when I heard my precious six year old start packing her lunch like her big sister did a few minutes before...I thought I was going to break. My heart hurt. She shouldn't have to do that, I thought for a few moments. But when I snuck around the corner (creep) I saw her washing an apple fro herself, dry it (on her shirt) get a plate out and the apple cutter. She tried to cut it on the counter, but then said to herself out loud, "I'll do it down here so I can reach." I watched her brace herself. I saw her balance her hands with the apple and the cutter. Then I saw her gleam with pride as she cut. It shifted as she pushed down so the pieces were misshapen. I went to her to help her. I told her I was so proud of her. She took each piece out and placed them in a baggie. She was SO proud of herself. And so was I. It took me sometime, but I think I can be okay with it. I might have a six year old that makes her own lunch, and you might think like I once did...thats abusive! (hahaha)But hey guess what? I am raising capable adults. One day they will not only be able to make their own lunch, but they will be confident, serving, giving capable adults. And THAT was the goal all along.
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