I tried to keep my emotions to myself. I let her say what she wanted to say, I even asked her to elaborate, to make sure she gets her feelings out and her point across. REALLY. Tell me how you feel.
This teen in particular has a GREAT way with words. She is thoughtful in the words she chooses, and yet honest to the core. So, naturally, the words spilled out. Her observations were shared. My wants were to defend, but my instincts told me to wait. Let her say what she needs. Let her be heard, and above all else, learn from what she is saying.
Its funny, because the way I was raised was TOTALLY different. It didn't matter what I thought. I was a child. A teenager. My option didn't count. I was respectful. Obedient. Quiet when I was supposed to be quiet and I got consequences even if I didn't earn them. Because I wouldn't dare fight or talk back. But, I feel like this generation of parents are trying to raise children in a different way. Some of those ways I feel are absurd. (post another time) But other ways, that I am embracing, are great. I feel like listening to my children is a GREAT way to parent. I feel like there is a line between disrespectful children and honest children. I have worked HARD to build a relationship with my children based on respect and trust... on BOTH sides. Hopefully teaching by example that I am deserving of respect but they, too, are deserving of respect from their parents. I'm trying to teach them that we are the safe place for them to turn to. That as a family we need to stick together.
So, when my teenager comes to me with honest words about ME, I am not offended. I don't feel disrespected. I am not under attack by a naughty child or a rude teenager. I am letting my wonderful child let her feelings out. Letting her have a voice. Building a relationship. Communication is COMPLETELY different from argument. Letting my child communicate her thoughts and feelings might be rough for a bit because the truth SHE sees might not be the truth I see. Because teenagers don't see the "behind the scenes" of raising a family and being married and making choices EVERYDAY that effect more than just one person aaaaaand that most of the time HAVE to be made with another person. They don't see that. They don't see the ones I take for the team, the battles I choose to give to my husband or to my children. And they dont see the times he gives the battle to me. Or the things he does quietly while they sleep, or are at school, or doing the wonderful things they love to do. Sometimes its really important for them to see and know of those things we do...but sometimes they just get to go about their lives not knowing all the secrets to being a spouse and a parent. Those are things they will get to learn first hand.
So, when my daughter opens up and tells me things that she thinks about, things she sees, things that matter to her, things she doesnt understand, I won't worry. I will meet her opinions and thoughts with open arms...because guys, its just another chance of me to teach my daughter. Another chance I get to bond with her, another way I get to build the relationship on trust and understanding. And hopefully, all the time spent and energy given, will lead these little humans down a path of success.
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