a glorious kind of trust...

 I drive my kids to school everyday. The drive there ISN'T quiet. We do a seat belt check, then shoe check, backpack lunch and homework check. A did you get all your breakfast in your belly check. essential Oils check, prayer check, sign your planner check, kiss check, then out the door they go. Mama does a quick car floor/seat check and then a did all my kids got in the doors on time check. 

  

When I drive home...in silence, I do a LOT of thinking. Most times I'm thinkning of my kids. Then my babe-a-licious husband. I think about the things they need. I think about the things I need to do. I think about the things i WANT to do...which aren't never REALLY the things I need to do. ;) i think about how much I love my children. I think about how much those babies love me. How much they need me. How much my children trust me. They just wake up everyday knowing I'll be there for them. They know I'll help them get ready. They know I'll get them to school on time. They know I will come back for them. 

 It truly amazes me. 



And it really is just so simple really. They are these perfect tiny babies that come into an unknown world and from the very moment they recreated they just ARE. They don't have anything to do but grow. And be. And then one day they come into the world and land into our arms. They immediately have needs. And those needs are met. Without a thought. And so it is...the relationship between a child and a parent. And the child should and most often times does know their needs are and will always be met. 

In most cases, these precious humans only have to say the word, or scream the sound, and with that they KNOW all will be well. Isn't that crazy? and beautiful? (And sometimes exhausting...but still so wonderful?). the greatest gifts come from that kind of love and devotion and trust. 

And thats what I want to post about today. TRUST. 

I have this daughter. my sweet {S}. She has, from day one, been my healer. She has such a special place (as all my children do) in my heart. This girl is my first child. She came to me in a beautiful way. She came a the perfect time. She healed a lot of my heart that was broken. And when i went through one of my most difficult challenges in life, SHE was with me every step of the way. She was a tiny girl who somehow let her light his right through to me. She lifted my heart. She loved me. I needed her. And she needed me. 

That little girl has ALWAYS looked at me with the most pure love and trust. That girl would stop a train if i asked her to. That girl hears my voice in her scariest moments and KNOWS she can come out on top. That girl knows I would never lead her down a wrong path, and therefore trust EVERY last thing I say and do. 

Its a glorious kind of trust. 

And a heavy responsibility to have that.

I have always seen this trust she has in me and have ALWAYS known not to break it. I have DEFINATLY let her down at times when I have had a bad day and let my impatience get he best of me. BUT she knows there is nothing in this whole wide world that means more to me than her and her sisters and their daddy. Knowing how much she looks up to me and trusts me and loves me has made me hold muse;f accountable for every action I make. I know I have little eyes watching me. I know someone is counting on me.

Being a parent has been the most rewarding job I have ever had and it has been the most self conscious thing I have ever done. I watch what I say do eat drink wear think and how I act. I make choices ALL day everyday with them in mind. I really don't know what I'll do when they are all grown...of course I am still a parent with eyes watching me BUT I won't be raising little humans. I will have already done that and have adult children with beliefs and standards and ideas. 

But for now, I will always live up to the trust my children have in me. I will do my best to NOT break that trust, and if/when I do, I will apologize for the things I need to apologize for. Because being a parent isn't about having pride. I will tach my children it is MORE than okay to see that I am not perfect. That we are in this together. Growing and learning and making memories together.  I am doing my best because they are the BEST thing I have ever been given.