I am hiding from my family. Literally hiding.
The sweat drops on my face and the taco pits I might get will be well worth it.
Because you know what...I feel like I am a pretty great mom. And wife.
I, like many others, put my family needs far before my own. drop of a hat, I stop what am doing to help them. I make sure they are happy and fed and healthy and entertained. I do everything I can to help the feel loved, smart, wanted, capable and kind. I teach everyday with the thought process - "I want them to be capable.I hope the care about themselves. I need to teach them to share and be kind. I hope they know who they are. and above all, I hope they know they can make mistakes and I will still and always love them."
But , honestly folks, this week I have been drowning.
I have been smiling as my oxygen runs out and the water flows in.
I am the taxi driver who shows up at someones desire with no thanks.I am a chef who just CAN"T seem to please anyone, even though its 100 degrees outside and i am cooking up a storm so they are fed healthy. I am a referee whois fair and teaches with every chance given...just to be ignored. I am a cuddle machine. I am a cleaning machine, too! Etc. Etc. ETC. I have had to explain myself and almost every choice and decision I have made this week to every member of my family as if they were Supreme Court Justices. Man alive! And after all this during the day, each of them go to sleep at night with visions of sugar plums while I lay waiting in my bed, catching the latest episode of whatever, waiting to check blood sugar,make sure the laundry gets switched, and babes get directed back to their cozy sleep spots after they use the toilet. You know its really sick, but last night I was so tired didn't even brush my teeth. :/ Ew.
Something needs to change. It's me. I need to make a change.
My family is amazing. My children are GREAT kids. And My husband ...well lets just say the old saying fits. If mama ain't happy...ain't nobody happy. He takes care of me. However , I am highly independent. So this can cause a problem. Like this one today.
My family knows that can do anything...except open that D word pickle jar, or get the bottom of the blender off. For that, I need my muscle man husband. :) And because I can do just about anything, I tend TO do it all. All the time. Soooooo, when I hit my limit, I tend to explode. Like this.
I mean please don't think I am a loose cannon...the warning signs are clear! ;) My smile drifts to a frown. I can't keep a train of thought going. My eyebrows sink. My voice and tone aren't as sweet and happy and patient as they were when we first started the day. An hour goes by. And another. Sometimes a day will go by. And another. And then finally, while trying to make a cake from scratch with four little girls who are just as independent and capable as their mother, something spills. And what normally would be a quick, "It's okay. Lets just clean it up. We all spill at times. No big deal," becomes a full melt down. Tears and yelling from mama. A quick grab of a towel. Little girls eyes become huge. THIS my friends, is my shame. But remember...they saw the signs!! ;)
The point is this-I teach my family how to treat me. I need to have a limit. I need to say, "hey pals, I'm fried." BEFORE I'm actually fried.
Oh and it's okay if I'm not super mom....but don't you think for a second I'm not a mom that is super :)
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