dear future husband...

When I was a teenager I had a list.

It was a list of all the things I hoped for in a husband/father for my children.

Nice.  Motivated.

Worthy priesthood holder. 

Thoughtful.  Responsible.

Fun. Funny.

Loyal. Trust worthy.

Happy. Good teeth.

Nice to his mom.  Clean.

BABE.  Nice to MY mom. 

Nice to animals.  Respectful.

Smart. Obedient. 

You know. The basics. 

The funny thing is now I'm asking my daughters to start making THIER lists. 

It's pretty fun actually. 

It's fun to see what they put on their list.

And I love to suggest few, too. ;)

We all have that wish list to some degree, right?

We try to be around people that fit our list to some extent, right? We have goals. And standards. 

As long as most of those list requirements are met...and if there is LOVE, then go for it, yes? 

Well, I also started talking to my girls about being the kind of girl that THAT kind of boy wants. NOT that I'm telling them to be what someone wants regardless of who you really are, but be true to yourself AND live a life that will get you the man you want. If you want a trust worthy spouse you should probably BE trust worthy yourself. If you want someone nice...then you probably shouldn't kick that cat that drives you nuts. When you are out looking for the kind of spouse you want, the kind of parent you want for your children...remember you are being watched, too. You can't just expect to have and get whatever you want in this world, but that you have to earn it. And that includes a spouse. You can't just say oh hey hi you look great and seem nice. I want you. Wait what about what THEY want. Its kind of the "do unto others" bit...if you want something good, be something good.

I'm sure there are plenty of people screaming with words like,"someone should like you just the way you are!!" "Be who you are and someone will accept you just that way!" "you should form yourself to someones ELSES ideas!"
Yeah. I get it folks. TRUST me. I was in a marriage where I was expected to be someone I wasn't.
And it frustrated the daylights out of the spouse because I didn't understand why I couldn't just be me!
Thats not what I'm saying.
I'm teaching my daughters to hold them selves to a certain standard...especially if they are holding their future spouse to a certain standard. 

In our marriages its the same way. We have to give and give and give. We have to be something great for the other person. We have to make our love our number one. We want to be loved and taken care of...well so does our spouse. It will never be JUST about what you want. It will NEVER be just about you and your lists. If you think it is... yeah no. It's not like that. And if you think but mine IS, I promise it won't be for long.

So now, my daughters have two lists...well my two oldest do (so far). 

A list of all the great things they think a wonderful husband will and should be for them. 

And a list of things they will be/do for someone else.
going into a relationship with strictly demands and expectations for the other isn't reality.
They need to know things are expected of them, too.
I want my children to hold themselves accountable for their choices and actions. 

And hopefully that
will be a guide to the kind of life they will have in the future.

And don't think for a second I don't have a list for my husband and I.

Because I do. 

:)